top, bottom, or versa
March 24, 2009 by joiestar
yesterday, while shopping at trinoma (or “bi-noma”, as a gay acquaintance fondly calls it), i came across these colognes homosexually-named top, bottom, and versa. curiosity compelled me to take a discreet sniff of these scents, which, fortunately, didn’t come in phallic bottles. these are my untrustworthy, olfactory impressions:
TOP starts with an intensely earthy note, evoking a muddy backyard on a rainy day, and then segues into a musky, sphincteral scent, suggesting the aroma of a fresh stool sample with a whiff of corn.
BOTTOM is salty at first, like a spray of the ocean. then as time passes, the aquatic character subsides to reveal a potent chlorox bleach smell with a hint of soap, almonds, and saliva.
VERSA combines the mild, fecal accord of TOP and the briny, semen-like essence of BOTTOM to create a fragrance that is uniquely both masculine and fruity.
“which do you like, sir?” a male store clerk, who materialized out of nowhere, asked me with a twinkle in his eye. in a dark room, he could pass off as jake cuenca. but it would have to be a very dark room.
i smiled a clueless smile, said “i’m just looking,” and, after a while, left the shop sans any purchase but smelling a bit like All Of The Above. lol
